Im sacred I will fail, Im scared I will look stupid, Im scared that I wont belong, Im scared I will be rejected, Im scared i wont fit in, Im scared I wont be enough etc………..
This is something that most people would rather not talk about or acknowledge within themselves, but we all have it and we all, to some degree live our lives by it. It’s what stops us from giving that sales assistant a compliment and to making a move at work. The ‘Im not good enough’ can shape our entire life to a degree that we are just living in a small comfort zone that seems to be getting smaller each day.
The route of all this ‘Im not good enough’ self talk is pain. We do everything we can to avoid pain and in doing so we limit our experiences and to be able to live fully. We hope that each day is going to be a good day with nothing that will come along to create pain in our lives.
The odd thing is the moment to go beyond the fear of pain and move through the very thing that you are scared of, you realise that that pain was a self imposed childhood conditioning which was installed through protecting ourselves from harm. We developed a way of looking after ourselves and that was great for then, but as adults, we no longer need that same avoidance as we can handle the pain if we know we are growing though it.
I love this saying - You are not dying, you are growing. It just resonates for me as its so true. We are not here to avoid pain. We are here to listen to what it means and to work through its meaning, ‘healing’ through it and ultimately ending up living a life that is to the fullest which is what we all want is it not?
In my personal experience, many people are very scared of their creativity. They remember in school that they were judged or negativity criticised. They were put down in some way and it closed the door for further creative expression as continuing with it would mean they were going down a wrong path as they weren’t any good and that made then wrong. Who told you that you were wrong and who told you that you were not good enough? Not good enough for who?
If you really think about it. You told you. Externally people may have said things to you, but you were the one who decided that, what was said was true. That that was it and theres no point!
I was told throughout my childhood that I was not good enough. I was put in all the bottom classes and told that I was not clever. My trigger word in my mind became ‘stupid’ but I later found out that I was dyslexic.
I chose not to listen to those words and ignore my knowing and instead I let those words fuel me to create something of meaning in the world. It was the main reason why I set up my art classes at 26 years old. I wanted to inspire, encourage and help people see that they can create a piece of art and in doing so, making them realise that anything is achievable as you are the one who gets to decide what you want to create in life. Be it art of anything else .
The process of creating the feeling of the fact that you are good enough lies in the action that you take. For example, booking onto my adult art class is scary for some people as they don’t know what to expect and they are not sure if they will be good enough, but its in the process of learning that is the most important thing for our self talk to improve. It’s not the the end result, although everyone does produce stunning work, it’s in the doing that, over time, creates a voice inside that says, ‘you are enough and you are simply more than enough.’
My classes give you a feeling that you are part of a community and you wont be judged or shamed. You wont be made fun of or belittled. Its a place to explore your creative side and bring that teenage self that was chosen to be left behind to come out and play once again.
It’s a place where you can feel belonging and relax knowing that you are achieving something that you may have never done before. Opening new doors of possibilities to what you can create and allowing that to spill over to other areas of your life.
Terrified that you are not good enough? Challenge those voices and do something today that scares you. anything small or big. Once you have done it, the momentum will build and from there, anything will become possible. I know this is true as thats how I live my life now and its drastically changed from what it once was which used to involve myself praying each night, that the day to come would be one where I was not in pain.
If you are terrified of not being good enough to start doing art again - See what freedom you will create by taking the step and booking a class.
I hope in some way that sharing my experience of what works for me is useful to you in some way.
Much love
Emmylou xx